Rissa's Blog

{July 5, 2012}   On friends, and friendship.

Sometimes, it’s really hard to come to terms with the fact that a friendship is dead. You reach out to a friend, who you used to be very close with, only to be brushed off, and incredibly hurt by the things that they say. 

It’s at that point, you realize that your friendship will probably never be what it was. Because that person will never see how much you’ve grown. And you realize how hurtful they’ve been in the past, under the pretense of being helpful. 

I do realize, however, that I have not always been the easiest person to deal with. And I am incredibly thankful for those that have been there along the way with kind words, thoughts, and actions, even though I might not have been as appreciative about it at the time, I would not be who I am today if it wasn’t for these people. They will always be very near, and dear to my heart, regardless of what happened in the past.

In trying to better myself, I’m trying to be more positive. Being more positive, means cutting out the negative in my life. Being told something that makes me completely question everything I’ve been doing, is not positive. Wondering if I’m not doing nearly as well as I think, is really detrimental to my progress. Which makes me realize that I don’t need these people as part of my life. I mourn the loss of them as a friend, even though we haven’t been close, but I know it’s really for the best. I guess it’s my fault. I probably should have realized the state of the friendship much sooner. It still sucks, but I’m proud of myself for realizing that I need to let this go. I’ll remember the good times, and love them forever for being a part of my life, but they will no longer be someone I turn to for things. I’ll still be there if they need me, but I don’t ever see that happening, as they moved on long ago. 

I love them dearly, but I also know that until they can see the progress I have made, instead of just seeing what they wants to see, we will never be able to be friends. 


{June 8, 2012}   So sleepy

I’ve been super tired the last couple of days. Not sure what’s going on with that. Nothing has changed, other than my increase in anti-depressant last Friday. But Wednesday during class, I had to leave and walking around a bit because I was starting to fall asleep. Today I’m having a hard time staying awake, and yesterday was the same. I slept in today, and didn’t yesterday. So today I would say maybe too much sleep, but I don’t know why I was so tired yesterday. I hate feeling like this. 

I’ve been looking into birth control options. Unfortunately, it looks like my insurance doesn’t cover IUDs. Those were an incredibly appealing option to me. And I’ve heard from a lot of people that the Depo shot is very likely to cause weight gain, so that’s unappealing. I don’t really want to go on a pill, but it looks like it’s either that, or Nuvaring, which…i’m not sure how I feel about that. I know my insurance covers Nuvaring, and I might call and see if there’s anyway to get Mierna covered by them. 

I’m looking forward to my Drs appointment in a week. We’ll be talking about my bloodwork, and hopefully getting me back on Synthroid, so I can get some of this weight off a little easier.

So, I missed the Android apps, but I like the keyboard of the Blackberry, so we sold my old phone (Kyocera Echo) and used the money to get a Samsung Transform. 

But Sprint is like “you have to call us, because you need to change your plan!” Blah. Why can’t I just do it online? I know it’s probably a 4G phone, and so I’ll have to get the extra services, but…come on guys. Everything else is online, why can’t this be? 

{June 4, 2012}   Woo life

So!  I’m going to try to start using wordpress more (again)

I have a new site that will probably get updated more than this, but this will be for personal stuff.

In other news, I’m on a new anti-depressant, and it’s WONDERFUL omg.  I’m so happy most of the time. It’s amazing.  I don’t even know what to do with myself, honestly. I think I’m driving my husband crazy.

I’ve started school, and I’m trying to get into the pharmacy program. We’ll see how it goes.  If that falls through, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’m sure I’ll figure something out.

But these pills are making everything so much more bearable.

I still wonder what classifies “literature”

{August 26, 2011}  

I…really need to use this more.  Kind of fail.


BUT! Check it.  Give away and fun contest! http://www.lipsticksandlightsabers.com/2011/08/because-any-alternative-is-better.html

{July 14, 2010}   Choices, Choices

So apparently is either dishes, or shower day, if I want to have enough energy to make dinner.  I’m choosing to take a shower, because we may be having dinner out with friends, and I feel disgusting.

I hate days like today.  If i’m feeling up to it, there will be a deep post, later today/tomorrow.

{April 12, 2010}   Drowning in Feelings

I feel like I’m lost inside myself lately.  I’m avoiding everyone, and everything.  I feel down a lot, but I hated the feeling I had when I was on medication. I’m really torn on what to do.  I feel more….normal, not on meds, but I’m happier on them.  Or maybe it suppresses my feelings?  Although I have to admit, the last few months, even on meds, I was feeling really mixed up.  Maybe I wasn’t on the right combination or something. I know I need to get into the doctor, but once again we can’t afford it.  I’m getting kind of frustrated with that.  What’s the point of being on something that will let you afford your medications, if you can’t see the doctor to *get* said meds.  And of course, I don’t tell my husband any of this, I just keep it all inside. Make decisions I probably shouldn’t make. That i’m in all honesty, probably not in the right mind to be able to make.

I’m not eating when I should, because I don’t care.  I know I need to..take care of myself, in some aspects, so that no one catches on, that something is really wrong.

It also doesn’t help, that I’m totally lost on what I want to do with my life.  It seems like everyone I know, has a plan, or is doing something. Meanwhile, I sit around and do nothing worth anything, because theres nothing I’m exceptional at.  Nothing I’m even remotely good at.  I have no ambition to try new things.  I have no encouragement, really, to try new things. How am I supposed to “find myself” when I’m afraid of failing, and I don’t want to turn to anyone for help?  What do you do then?

{March 25, 2010}   Things on my brain

So, i’ve been wondering.  What classifies something as literature?  What makes it so different from regular writing and fiction?  Is it the historical value?  Because it’s timeless?  But we have contemporary literature, which seems to be more modern.  Maybe I just don’t get it.

{March 24, 2010}   Hello world!

So, I’m starting this in an attempt to actually write about things that go on.  I had a livejournal, but i just don’t feel comfortable there anymore, so here I am!

{March 24, 2010}   Books so far this year

I hope to make this post at least once a month.  I don’t have a goal of a certain number of books to read, just what I can.  So far this year I’ve read:

The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book by Chuck Norris

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

The Complete Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

Peter and Max by Bill Willingham

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief  by Rick Riordan

Wow, really? only 5 so far?  Although, I suppose I did start only a month ago.  We’ll see if I can keep this up! I think next on the list is Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass.  or Cirque du Freak. Not sure.

et cetera