Sometimes, it’s really hard to come to terms with the fact that a friendship is dead. You reach out to a friend, who you used to be very close with, only to be brushed off, and incredibly hurt by the things that they say.
It’s at that point, you realize that your friendship will probably never be what it was. Because that person will never see how much you’ve grown. And you realize how hurtful they’ve been in the past, under the pretense of being helpful.
I do realize, however, that I have not always been the easiest person to deal with. And I am incredibly thankful for those that have been there along the way with kind words, thoughts, and actions, even though I might not have been as appreciative about it at the time, I would not be who I am today if it wasn’t for these people. They will always be very near, and dear to my heart, regardless of what happened in the past.
In trying to better myself, I’m trying to be more positive. Being more positive, means cutting out the negative in my life. Being told something that makes me completely question everything I’ve been doing, is not positive. Wondering if I’m not doing nearly as well as I think, is really detrimental to my progress. Which makes me realize that I don’t need these people as part of my life. I mourn the loss of them as a friend, even though we haven’t been close, but I know it’s really for the best. I guess it’s my fault. I probably should have realized the state of the friendship much sooner. It still sucks, but I’m proud of myself for realizing that I need to let this go. I’ll remember the good times, and love them forever for being a part of my life, but they will no longer be someone I turn to for things. I’ll still be there if they need me, but I don’t ever see that happening, as they moved on long ago.
I love them dearly, but I also know that until they can see the progress I have made, instead of just seeing what they wants to see, we will never be able to be friends.